I’ve been working late in the office, when the chairperson of the agency’s board came in to tell me that I was saved today. Apparently at the board meeting today my name was raised as a possible acting-CEO until the boss gets back from the bushfires in mid-April, but the current acting-CEO told them I was too busy. Well, quite right, to be a post-grad student while managing three social service agency offices is, I’m sure, akin to chewing steak with your teeth taken out. Spit everywhere and nobody’s enjoying themselves. That’s a pleasure I want to save for my seventies.

But I was thinking about some changes I could make if I were the boss around here:

1. I’d rename my position from CEO to SD (SuperDude).
2. I’d email the LGBTI worker with a list of adjectives that are synonymous to the word “fabulous” and encourage him to use them in everyday sentences.
3. I’d send a memo to our policy officer to inform her that “action” is a noun, not a verb, and nobody should be asked to action anything proposed near the water cooler.
4. I’d put a TV next to the water cooler. That’ll shut the fuckers up.
5. I’d program my computer to send an hourly SMS to all my employees’ mobile phone with the text “What’s doin?”
6. I’d put diet coke in the water cooler. You know how that shit fizzes up when you put it through a tap. I might leave a pack of mentos nearby and see what happens.
7. Recommend to the refugee and settlement worker that Scottish accents are way more professional in her field.
8. I’d then ban drinking of all liquids in the office and remove the water cooler.
9. Then I’d move the TV into the CEO’s office, make all the employees join twitter, and then tweet about what’s happening on the Ellen Degeneres Show and Young and the Restless.

Any other suggestions?

So, anyway, like I found Kevin Rudd’s twitter page (man he tweets a lot – like five times in the morning before his meeting with BO!) and clicked on follow. Within thirty seconds I got an email telling me that Rudd is now following me on twitter. That raised a couple of questions for me. First, does my country’s PM’s following me on twitter constitute government surveillance? I’m too dumb to have a straight answer right now, and you can all tell, because, like you know, I’m blogging about twitter. Second, do I want to be surveilled by the PM?

Hell YEAH!

I’m considering the following tweets now that I know Kev’s watching…

1. There must have been an admin error. My stimulus package is $9950. Think I’ll spend it in NZ.
2. Click here to see my mate Osama’s blooper reel.
3. Just found Howard’s diary. Man, Rudd would be so cut.
4. Have seen an online ad for Rudd commemorative plates. Oh, wait, it’s just a face-pic of Rudd.
5. My mate ObL says it’s the cave with the balloons out front.

Which leads to my third question, will I get famous if my site gets in the new blacklist?